He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
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Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
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I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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