i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
