Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
