now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
