i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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