This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
