I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
