the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
