I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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