ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
