Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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