Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
