This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
