After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
