it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
