Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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