He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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