I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
