just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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