and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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