onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
