I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
