You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
