can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
