is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
