Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Everything about him screamed your future.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
