Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
