please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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