i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
