Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
