Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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