we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
