Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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