I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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