Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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