I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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