I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
