Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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