Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
