Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
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