I am midnight drunk by noon
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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