Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
