i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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