I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
