just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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