It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Randomize
