Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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