Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We have so much sex to catch up on
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
