Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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