I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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