GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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