Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
