her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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