fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
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