So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
