you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
