i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
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