I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
