He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
