I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
