There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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