If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
