Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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