It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
