woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
