proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize