Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I puked a lego.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
