'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
