I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
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Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
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It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Enjoy the penises