I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.