While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
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In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
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He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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