did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
