He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.