Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
