dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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