do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I would fuck him just for his dog
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
