I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
