no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
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I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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