I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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