tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
